Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
