Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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