This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
