If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
