I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
