when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
