We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
