Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
