It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
