alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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