Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
