I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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