You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
two words...techno handjob
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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