Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
