I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
