I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
