I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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