i wish my penis had a tongue
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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