He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
