lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
