Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
