your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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