I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
