This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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