Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
