I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
