Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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