I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
