no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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