i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drake has all the answers
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
