I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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