I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
