Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
