if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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