she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
