how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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