My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
