girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
