The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
