Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
