You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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