he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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