oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize