turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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