Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
