i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
