i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
