she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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