Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
