she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
