i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize