why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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