You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
