omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
