dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
