remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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