I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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