haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
