I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
