Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The struggles of a small town man whore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
