My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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